I write because I’m mad

It’s been a while since I updated this blog. I’ve been on a tear recently, editing around 10 pages of the new draft of Inventing Vazquez per day, and doing little else beyond it. The novel has become my life as of late, and probably will continue to be so until I finish it. Which is good, because I’m almost at page 300 of 496.

So far, I’ve succeeded in shortening the novel dramatically. I’ve already shaved about 60 single-spaced pages, in large part because I took out the infamous sex scene after two of my test readers said it just didn’t work. Both of them are women, and both said that it was the one moment in the book where you could really tell it was a man writing it. Not to mention, it was long, tedious, and, well, I’m not an erotica writer, so it was formulaic, awkward, and cheesy. So out it went. Hey, it’s 10 less pages to edit, I guess.

I’m confident I’ll have the book ready by the end of March. In the meantime, I plan to launch an agent search sometime next week.

There’s a reason why I am trying to move as fast as I can with this. You see, the novel is my snarky, satirical, humorous way of saying something not so humorous. I’m Latino, and throughout my life, I’ve had to watch as Hollywood and mainstream media have relegated Latino/as to the fringes of creative expression. When we see ourselves in film, it’s almost never a positive, dignified, or even a three-dimensional portrayal. More often than not, when you see a Latino/a in a Hollywood film, they’re a voiceless janitor, or a gang member, or a domestic servant.

We’re seldom portrayed as a strong people, unless we’re being portrayed as ruthless gang members in something like Training Day. We’re seldom portrayed with any depth or meaning. And when films do center around us, they’re in roles that are cliché, trite, and not all that flattering. I mean, seriously, is Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan the best we can hope for?

And it’s not just Latinos. It’s everyone who hasn’t found a way of making themselves heard in mainstream consciousness. Take, for example, Asian-Americans. Why is it that a movie like 21 (which is based off real events where a group of predominantly Asian-American students were involved) features a mostly white cast? Why is it that Hollywood thinks Asians can’t carry a film, and so it’s easier to cast whites in roles meant for Asians? Why is it that the new Avatar film, which is based heavily on Asian motifs and characters, is being cast with mostly white actors?

I guess I’m just getting mad at the way some of us just can’t see to get people’s attention. I mean, why is it that Miley Cyrus can do something as stupid as this chink-eye thing, and then offer nothing but a half-assed, “I’m the victim here” apology, and no one outside of Asian-American circles thinks there’s something messed up about the whole thing? (BTW, I hope Angry Asian Man doesn't mind me linking to his site. I think he's doing an amazing job of giving voice to the Asian-American community, and I admire him greatly for it.)

The truth is, some of us just haven’t done enough to make ourselves heard. Think of it this way. If Miley Cyrus had, instead, been photographed in blackface and eating watermelons, it wouldn’t just be the African-American community in an uproar. It’d be many others. And I’m sure Disney would then do a much better job of getting their little 16-year-old dimwit to apologize more convincingly (and maybe stop insinuating that we’re somehow at fault for feeling offended for her idiocy). Why? Because the African-American community has been much better at making itself heard. Because it’s been more aggressive, and better organized, and has forced mainstream American to listen to its grievances.

Of course, that’s not saying that we’re all well and dandy on the African-American front. Far from it. But at least people, no matter what race or background, now know better than to, say, start dropping the n-word. If you drop it, you know you’re willingly inviting trouble. And that, to me, proves that the African-American community has done a much better job of making itself heard than many of us.

Latinos, I think we’re just too splintered, scattered, and disorganized right now. Maybe it’s the same way with Asian-Americans, I don’t know. But I know that there’s something wrong with the way we respond to things that are offensive. Because if Miley Cyrus can do the chink-eye thing one moment, but still be fawned and drooled over because of what she wears at the Grammy’s less than a week later, then it’s obvious we haven’t made ourselves heard, or feared. It means the media and everyone else involved still can’t appreciate that this whole chink-eye thing is right on par with things like the n-word.

That’s why I’m writing Inventing Vazquez, and why I’m desperate to get it published. I’m mad at the way we don’t have much of a voice yet, and I want to help it become louder. I want to contribute to this ongoing, but maybe still quiet, dialogue between Latino/as and mainstream culture. And not just Latino/as, but anyone who’s ever felt marginalized by Hollywood and mainstream culture.

Inventing Vazquez is a satire about how Hollywood portrays people of color, and it’s about how one Latina decides she’s had enough, and finds ways of making her grievances—and those of her community—heard. While it’s humorous and zany, I hope it also relays a very serious message: that Latino/as, Asians, Indians, African-Americans, etc., all of us have to make ourselves heard. We have to make Hollywood and all realize that there are lots of us out there, and we have goals and ambitions and dreams too. And it’d be nice, for a change, to see movies where people who look like us aren’t just background fillers or voiceless criminals. It’d be nice if, one day, our kids could pretend to be something other than Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, James Bond, or any other white action hero. It’s like America Ferrerra in Ugly Betty said about Mexicans: “We don’t get action heroes. All we get is a fast rodent.”

So there you have it. My real reasons for writing Inventing Vazquez, and the reason I hope it gets published. No, I don’t hope. It will get published, even if I have to self-publish again. I just think that it carries a message that needs to be heard. Not because I think I’m so much wiser and need to impart my wisdom. No, because the book represents a voice, and if you get enough voices together speaking loudly enough, then they can’t be ignored anymore.

Yeah, I know, I’m an idealist. But what can I say? I cling to the belief that, when I finally have children, they’ll grow up in a world that’s more tolerant. Where people of different backgrounds actually talk to and listen to one another, instead of assuming things about or fearing one another. I want to believe that, when they’re old enough to see a movie, they’ll have something other than Jennifer Lopez or Dora the Explorer to feel inspired by. That they can see a movie, see a character that looks like them, and actually think, “Wow, I want to be like that person when I grow up.” That they’ll be able to see a movie without feeling secretly ashamed because they think, somehow, that all they can ever be is a janitor, or a criminal, or a busboy, or a hapless indentured servant for some rich family.

Hey, I can dream, right?

New Year, New Goals, and a Little WOOHOO Thrown In

Happy 2009, everyone.

So, it’s a new year. And while I’m not one to make resolutions, I always like to re-affirm my long-term goals and strategies at the start of every year. Like last year, my only real goal was to finish Inventing Vazquez. Which I did. Kind of. I finished the third draft, at least.

This year, my goal will be to complete the book in earnest, and land an agent. And while I was busy thinking in December that I’d be sending out queries this month, I decided to not be so hasty. I’m working on the next round of edits right now, with the goal of not just cleaning up the writing and adding a small wrinkle or two, but of shortening the novel. Because it’s a bit too long, maybe long enough to scare off an agent.

So far, with the first five chapters I’ve edited, I’ve succeeded in knocking off a page per chapter. So if I can do that all throughout, and there are 65 chapters, that’s at least 65 pages I’ll streamline from the final draft.

My plan, though, is to make the most efficient use of my time. Because it can take so long to hear back from an agent, I think I’ll work on getting the first half of the book done, right and proper. Once that first half is done, I’ll send out the query packages, and then get to work on the second half. The hope is that, by the time an agent (hopefully) requests to see the entire manuscript, I’ll have it ready to go. That’s the hope, anyway.

But because I don’t want to take forever, this time I’m setting a very concrete deadline: I want to have the entire novel finalized by the end of March. It’ll be tight, but doable. I think that, while setting artificial deadlines can be counterproductive, in some cases they can give you the right kind of urgency. And urgency is definitely something I feel right now, in terms of getting Inventing Vazquez moving from manuscript to published work. I’m very enthused and confident about this book, and I really want to get it out there. Somehow, I think it’ll have some good things to say, and I think it’ll make people laugh a lot. I hope so, anyway ^_^;

So that’s the deal with Inventing Vazquez. Its sequel, Electing Choi, is now on hold, since I’m trying to punch out at least one chapter of edits per day, but really aiming for two. Next month, I’ll also have to start working more seriously on the query letter, synopsis, and other such agent-related goodies.

So yeah, Electing Choi is going to have to wait. One thing that won’t have to wait, though, is Liliana’s new character design ^_^ For Electing Choi, since Liliana’s character is now older, more mature, and a lot more spunky and confident, I figured she’d need a makeover from her character design from Inventing Vazquez. And so, I thought she’d need to have shorter hair, something more whimsical and playful. And my brother, ever the artist, made a chibi rendition of Liliana in her old and new incarnations:

Isn’t it adorable?! And yes, in both novels, Liliana is in a band, although she’s never the bassist (at least, I don’t think she’ll be). Like I said, this is a chibi style drawing (a Japanese Anime-style super-deformed animation), but I thought it was adorable. So, thanks, Arturo! ^_^

Speaking of bands, The Pineapple Brigade project is definitely picking up steam. The guitarist I’ve been working with (let us call him Gene for now) and I are clicking very well. So much so, we essentially laid down the foundation for an improved version of one of my songs, Frozen Summer. He’s a natural guitarist, and a very good one, and he was able to add a lead guitar track that gave the song a whole new dimension. Plus, in one of the song’s breakdowns, he improvised some backing vocal arrangements, and I was blown away at how well they worked. I was geeked, to say the absolute least.

Even more geeked about something very unexpected. I’ve always said I’m primarily a bassist. But this past practice, I took my electric guitar down to the basement, figuring I could use it to more easily show Gene the guitar notes for some of my songs. I ended up playing rhythm guitar for the entire practice. By the end of it, Gene makes a startling declaration: he thinks that, instead of playing bass in the band, I should play rhythm/lead guitar. Because what I was doing wasn’t only good enough, but it was essentially lead guitar work.

I was stunned, because while I always wanted to play guitar in a band (it’s more fun, I think, and more conducive for my onstage freestyle maniac style of play), I never thought I was good enough. A proven guitarist thinks I am. That’s good enough for me ^^;

So here I am, switching gears musically. I was planning on buying a better bass amp to start off the year, but now I’m researching new guitars, looking for one to call my own. The one I’m currently using is a loaner, a Fender strat, and I think I’ll stick with a Fender, maybe another Stratocaster, depending on what I can afford. I’m pretty excited about it.

Hopefully, Gene and I can soon find a female bassist in the Detroit area who likes punk pop, and then we’d really have the start of something very special. Because it’s part of my whole band dream thingy: to have a female musician who does backing/lead vocals, and give the band a male-female vocal dynamic. Kind of like what Kim Deal did with The Pixies, and Jeannie Lee did for Dirt Bike Annie. I think both those women added so much to those bands.

I guess, between Inventing Vazquez and The Pineapple Brigade, I have enough to keep myself busy with. Still not sure that I’ll be able to start that e-zine, but I’m not discounting the possibility yet. I still think there would be some very good benefits to doing so, especially as I ramp up my literary agent search. We’ll see, I guess.

And, oh, one last, unrelated thing. Don’t ask why, considering there was no regional sense for me rooting for them (I was born and raised in NYC) ever since I was old enough to understand football. And it made no sense that, as a kid tossing a football around, I pretended I was Neil Lomax instead of, say, Phil Simms or Richard Todd. But that’s how it worked out, and I’ve remained loyal to my team throughout all the ups and downs, but mostly downs. And every year, despite everything, I would insist, this was our year. This was the year this team surprised everyone and went all the way. And every year, I’ve had to content myself with our usual mantra of, “Wait till next year,” and look forward to Draft Day and the top pick we’d be getting that would take us to the Super Bowl next year.

Now, having said all that, please forgive this following outburst.

Ahem.

GO ARIZONA CARDINALS!!! WOOHOOO!!!! ONE MORE WIN, AND WE’RE IN THE SUPER BOWL!!! And then I can NON-facetiously say, “WOOHOO!! CARDINALS, SUPER BOWL BOUND!!! WOOO!” ^^;

I dare anyone to say I’m a bandwagon jumper. Really. Go ahead. Just try it ^_^ I’ll refer you to my friends, who regularly mocked me during fantasy football for filling my rosters with Cardinal players. Or my girlfriend, who makes fun of me for liking a team I had no regional reason for liking just because they had a cute cardinal on their helmet.

So, to the Arizona Cardinals, good luck this Sunday! No matter what happens, you’ve already made this lifelong (if incomprehensible) Cardinals fan giddy and half-insane with happiness.

GO CARDS! WOO!

Another trick to writing: Remember it’s just a draft

I got to page 27 last night of Electing Choi, and I ran into my first genuine moment of, “Oh gods, this sucks!” The scene I’m currently working on has a lot going on, with a lot of characters vying for valuable screen time, and so far, I think I’ve made a mess of it. And as the first traces of frustration and self-doubt began to creep in, I decided to call it a night. Which is, I think, the best thing any of us can do whenever we come across a moment of self-doubt with regards to something we otherwise know we can do.

So this morning, as I’m prepping for work, I came across a couple of new ideas for the scene, and a new gag to throw in (remember, it’s a satirical comedy, so the funnier I can make it, the better). Just goes to show that, sometimes, you really do just need to step back, take a deep breath, and take a fresh look at things the next day.

But more importantly, it goes back to something that should be common sense among all writers, and that somehow eludes many, especially new or aspiring writers. And that is this: you’ll do yourself a great favor if you just concede that your first draft will suck. There, I said it ^_^

A first draft is called a first draft for a reason. It’s your first stab at something you hope will be great. But few things, if any, are great their first time around, and writing is hardly one of them. Even the most experienced writers, I’m sure, will write third and fourth drafts of something that are infinitely better than their first draft. Which is to say, a first draft is supposed to be bad, crappy, and lacking in detail and depth. It’s supposed to be something that makes you think, “This could work, but I gotta put a lot more work into it.” That’s what the second and third drafts are for ^_^

Like I said, this should be common sense among all of us calling ourselves writers. But it still astounds me how many aspiring writers out there get so bogged down by the notion that their first pages of their first chapter of their first ever piece of writing have to be the best writing known to man. They get mired in this perfectionist, high-pressure mindset, and when that first draft reads like a first draft (i.e., it’s terrible), they get discouraged and oftentimes stop writing for a while, if not for good. And that’s the biggest mistake anyone can make. You have to be patient with yourself, and understand that it will take time to craft something that's good, and that you can't just give up because you're not writing Shakespearean verses your first time around. Remember, it's about being kind to yourself.

With Electing Choi, I definitely hate the last five pages I wrote. But you know what? They’re a start, and when I go back and start the second draft, I’ll make them better. There’s no need for me to sulk and think, “I suck at this, I better stop because this one scene sucks so bad,” and there’s no need for me to spend the next month just trying to hammer out this one complex scene. Better to just accept that this first draft is going to be bad, move on, and keep pace with my writing goals.

So there you have it. Another kernel of five-cent wisdom from a writer who sounds like he’s figured everything out but who, in fact, doesn’t even know where he’s standing sometimes.

In other news, I’m happy to say that it looks like The Pineapple Brigade is active ^_^ I jammed with the guitarist, Eugene, on Sunday, and we definitely clicked. Not just musically, but personally, which is great. Not to mention, he knows who bands like GO!GO!7188! are, and he liked the Dirt Bike Annie stuff I gave him, so we’re definitely on the same page musically ^^; We’re still trying to figure out our approach, but we’ll start up in January and take things from there. Needless to say, I’m excited.

I also recently heard from two people regarding Solstice. One of them found me on Facebook and complimented the book, which was a such a pleasant surprise. And the other is actually an old friend whom I used to correspond with back when I used to maintain an Anime site, Senseless Solutions. It was incredible to hear from her again, and even more incredible to hear she bought the book, read it in two days, and loved it. Wow ^_^; Well, to both of you, thank you so much. You really made my day, and reminded me that, hey, the novel wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t too bad, and I sort of kind of maybe accomplished something kind of maybe perhaps nifty by self-publishing it ^_^ Or not ^^;;

But Inventing Vazquez won’t be self-published, that’s for sure. And I hope to start sending out those queries to literary agents in January. Oh wow, that’s going to be fun…

Anyway, it’s Christmas Eve, so here’s a happy holiday greeting to all of you who read this blog! May your holidays be healthy, safe, happy, and thoroughly enjoyed in the company of family and friends. May the new year bring you all the good fortune, changes, and happiness you want. And may we be always thankful for the all the good things in our lives, including the food on our plates, the roofs over our heads, and the affection of those who call themselves our friends and family. Cheers!

Agents, Sequels, and Pineapples. Oh my.

So I finally burned through most of my excess vacation time, and got quite a bit done. I began the process of researching literary agents, and came up with some very promising leads. I drafted both a query letter and a six-page synopsis for Inventing Vazquez. I still have to proof the first three chapters meticulously, and have them ready to go. My plan, now, is to send out the first batch of queries in early January. And then pray really really hard to the gods and the universe that, this time, a literary agent will want to work with me.

I also started the sequel to Inventing Vazquez, Electing Choi, in earnest. In fact, I completed both chapter ones (a little joke there, thanks to the dual narratives that start the story). My goal is to have the first 30 pages of Electing Choi written by the end of December (you know, a page a day, more or less), and so far, I’m at page 15, so I’m more or less on track. And I’m really excited about this project, not just because I get to work again with Liliana and her crew, but because of the plot twists I’m looking forward to writing down.

I’m going home for the holidays, and I’ll probably get more work done there. I think I’ll focus more then on editing the samples chapters and the query literature, to make sure I’m ready to go when I come back home in January. I hope to also map out the ideas and general direction for the e-zine I want to start, and then ask my friends and bro to join in the mayhem and help me get it off the ground. Have to think more on the title, though. The one I wanted is kind of already taken ^_^;

I also had the chance to compose four new songs, three of which I still need to write lyrics for. Ugh, that’s one thing I struggle with, mostly because I never know what to sing about. Heh, ‘sing’. There’s a lie if I ever said one. The truth is, I’m getting more and more frustrated with my inability to sing well. One of my new songs, Room I-94, I did write lyrics for, and I tried singing it. And I couldn’t stand it. I really need to find a female musician/singer to do these songs. Because I find myself hating my own songs just because I kill them with my crummy vocals! ^^;

But things are looking interesting for The Pineapple Brigade. For one thing, it’s now my sole musical focus. Following all kinds of misunderstanding, I was unceremoniously dropped from the blues band I was with on Sunday. Via voicemail. Because that’s the mature way of handling such things. I was pissed for a while on Sunday, not because I’d been let go (like I always said, blues was never my thing), but because of the way it was handled. It really irritates me that people can’t seem to tell you things in person. In person, they tell you things are great, you’re great, hey, let’s stay together, we love to have you, bla bla bla. But when they decide to contradict everything they told you in person, and leave you a voicemail saying, “Yeah, I’ve hired a friend to play bass, thanks,” you realize you’re probably better off not working with them. Dear gods, what ever happened to common courtesy and manners?

Still, after blowing off some steam and leaving that guy a voicemail calling him out for his lack of professionalism, I saw things in a different light. Now I think this is the universe’s way of saying I’m supposed to be working to make The Pineapple Brigade happen. That I shouldn’t have been spending time on a musical project my heart simply wasn’t into. That now’s the time to focus back in on the music I love and want to play live. And I’ve got a great foundation to build on. I have 12 original songs ready to go. That’s enough not just for a set, but for an album. So maybe now’s the time to keep working on those songs, and some new songs, and work toward making The Pineapple Brigade more than just a ‘project’.

The other thing is that I’ve been in touch with a really cool guitarist who’s recently moved to Detroit. While we haven’t jammed yet, I have high hopes that we’ll be able to work together, now that our musical tastes are virtually identical, we’re the same age, we’re both experienced musicians, and we have the same attitude and passion toward music. If he and I decide to start The Pineapple Brigade in earnest, well, it’ll be a critical first step toward making the whole band idea come true.

So that’s what’s been going on. In other words, nothing much, really. Anywayz, stay warm, folks. And remember: you don’t win friends with salad.

The end of one project, the start of many

Well, it took me longer than I thought it would, but I finished the new draft of Inventing Vazquez on Sunday. I think this version is getting close to the final one. I still need to go over it again and do another round of wordsmithing, fact checking, and tweaking, but I think the major changes are done. At least, I hope so. I’ve got two test readers this time, and I’ll be holding my breath to see what they think.

It’s an exciting time. Not only because I’m a step closer to completing Inventing Vazquez, but because I now have some time to do other things. As is my habit when finishing a draft, I’m shelving it for a month so I can look at it with fresh eyes in January. And in the meantime, I’ve got lots of free time, mostly because I have a lot of days off I have to burn through at work.

So I’m planning to do several things starting this Thursday. For starters, I’m going to start compiling a list of literary agents, and start prepping the query packages. I really hope that, with the groundwork I’ve already done with Solstice, with my web site, with the book reviews, and the on-the-side writing projects for Quiet Earth and Urban Molecule, I’ll have a better shot at landing an agent. Well, that, and I genuinely think Inventing Vazquez is a better novel with much better writing. Plus it’s funny, so at least I won’t be turning off agents with my “My novel is about the end of the world!” approach! ^_^;

I’m even more excited about the writing projects I have lined up. I have three: The Mourning Syndrome, Electing Choi (the sequel to Inventing Vazquez), and an untitled dark comedy project I’m considering. Since I can’t work on all three at the same time, what I’ll be doing is outlining each, and see which one I feel most enthusiastic about. My guess is it’ll be Electing Choi, because The Mourning Syndrome is depressing end-of-world fare, and I’ve really enjoyed the zany, free-spirited writing style of Inventing Vazquez. But the third project, a sort of road-trip narrative, has its appeal, and so I’ll map it out and see if it’s a viable project at this time. I guess, as long as I can be zany and whimsical, I’ll be happy.

So that’s all, right? Well, not really. ^_^ I’m still trying to form a punk rock band, and I might be a step closer to doing so. I’ve been in touch with a guitarist who’s moving to Detroit tomorrow, and we may jam this weekend to see if we can work together. I have high hopes, because we’re the same age and have very similar musical tastes. If we decide to start the Pineapple Brigade together, then we’ll just need a drummer and a singer, hopefully female. In the meantime, I’m still writing songs. I wrote two new songs over the past couple of weeks, deciding to just have fun and write the kind of jumpy, melodic tunes I like. Wish I could sing, but oh well, what can you do? ^_^

So that’s all, right? I mean, between researching literary agents, starting a new book (after outlining three separate projects), maybe starting a band, and writing more music, I should be pretty much booked up, right? Well, leave it to me to want to squeeze in another thing into my schedule ^_^;

While it’s still in its “I have a goofy idea” phase, I’m thinking of starting an e-zine. Something completely random, humorous, and observational. Something that’ll discuss politics, popular culture, not-so-popular culture, music, and technology. Ideally, I’d like to get together with my friends and publish regular articles, but I haven’t discussed this with anyone except my girlfriend yet. In any event, it’s still in its pre-pre-pre-planning stage, but I think it’d be something cool to do. And I think I already have a name for it. What is it? Something named after one of my favorite Polysics songs ^_^ That’s all I’ll say for now.

Anyway, December should be an interesting, fun, and busy month. And, oh, isn’t there some kind of holiday or something toward the end? ^^;

Turning 15 Again

So I get to blog about something other than writing again. Hmmm, the last time I did so, it was to write about a Polysics show I went to here in Detroit. And now, it’s to write…about the Polysics show I went to this last Saturday ^_^

For those of you who don’t know, Polysics is a four-piece band from Tokyo, Japan who can best be described as Devo with a distinct infusion of Japanese quirkiness. Their music is catchy, wild, and all over the place, with synthesized blips and beeps complementing mad guitar riffs and crunching bass lines while the singer, Hayashi, sings about everything from peach pies on the beach to digital coffee.

Well, they played here in Detroit on Saturday, and I was reminded of why I fell in love with them in the first place. They are, simply put, the best live band I’ve ever seen. It’s inspiring to see musicians throw themselves so completely into their performance. Hayashi is a madman on stage, jumping all over the place, screaming his lungs out, playing his guitar like his life depends on it. Fumi, the bassist, jams along with grit and bounce, plucking away at her red Yamaha and seemingly loving every minute of it. Kayo, the keyboardist extraordinaire, is the stoic, quiet, comic one in the back, the one who never cracks a smile, not even as she’s jumping up and down waving pompoms at us during “Peach Pie On The Beach.” It’s an awesome ensemble of musicians playing a brand of music that’s infectious, powerful, and outright quirky.

So why am I gushing over Polysics like a 15-year-old after his first rock concert? Maybe because I got to meet the band this time around! ^_^ As my friend James and I sat through the opening bands, I noticed Hayashi and Kayo at their merchandise stand. After much deliberation, I finally worked up the nerve to go up and say hello, and ask if they’d take their picture with me. What cool, friendly people they were! Not only did they agree, Hayashi actually puts me in between him and Kayo. How’s that for treating your fans with respect? About all I could think to do in my star-struckness was smile like a dolt and do the peace sign. As evidenced below…


But the biggest treat was meeting Fumi, their bassist. Anyone who knows me knows that I consider her my bass-playing muse. It was watching her onstage in 2005 that made me want to pick up the bass again. It was thanks to her that I wanted to try again to join a band and gig, even though I was already 32 years old. Just over a year after that show, I joined my first band. And our first show just happened to be at the same club where I first saw Fumi and Polysics. So I’ve wanted to meet Fumi ever since then, to thank her for inspiring and re-awakening my musical ambitions, and for being my bass-playing ‘sensei’.

And, oh…I have a Michigan-sized crush on her ^___^;

So imagine my delight (and high-school-boy-like nerves) when I finally saw Fumi walking around the club, and then go over to the merchandise stand. Once again, after much, much, much deliberation, I worked up the courage, went over, and reverted to my 15-year-old persona. And once again, I wasn’t disappointed. Fumi proved to be a very friendly, very warm person, and very eager to meet another of her fans. I got a chance to thank her for inspiring me. I got her autograph. I got to shake her hand. And, oh, I got our picture taken ^_____^

Sure, I stopped just short of telling her that I think she’s pretty as hell, but hey, there was no need to. Being able to meet her and the rest of Polysics was such a treat, and it went about as perfect as I could have ever imagined. There was no need to make things weird by telling her, “Duh, I think your really perty! Yuh-huh!”

I was also reminded on Sunday and Monday that I’m no longer 21 years old. I lost myself in the moment at the show, and thrashed, danced, moshed, and headbanged throughout. On Sunday and Monday, my sore body was saying, “Yeah, nice try, moron. You’re 35, and I’m going to make sure you remember that with a good dose of pain, soreness, and old-man-like ailments.” Ouch. I don’t remember hurting so much after a show. I don’t remember ever waking up in the middle of the night and feeling like my neck would snap if I so much as sneezed. Hell, it wasn’t even soreness; it was excruciating pain. Will that stop me from headbanging and moshing the next time? Of course…not ^_^

Anyway, that’s my annual “I love Polysics” gushing. While I’m at it, I just want to mention this. Um, Jaguar Love? The second band on that night? You know, your music was actually quite good. But guys, seriously, do yourselves a favor: get another singer. Their singer doesn’t sing, but rather screeches unintelligibly. Even between songs. If Donald Duck, Courtney Love, and Axel Rose had a child, and they fed this child nothing but sugar, caffeine, and crack, it’d result in Jaguar Love’s singer. I’m sorry, guys, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but you need a singer that isn’t so damn painful!

Oh, and a special shout-out to Colleen, a wonderfully friendly woman I met at the show! Colleen, I’ll see you at the next Polysics show so we can dance and mosh once again!

Okay, let me go back to being 35 again… Going to Chicago next week to do the last bit of Inventing Vazquez related research, and to hopefully finish up the next rewrite. After that, it’s off to finding an agent. Oh boy…

The one thing you need if you’re going to be a writer

One of the things I hadn’t anticipated after publishing Solstice was the number of questions I’d hear from friends and strangers alike. How do you become a writer? How do you self-publish a book? What do I need to do to become a writer?

My answers are usually anticlimactically simple, maybe because I don’t think there’s any great science to it. How do you become a writer? By writing. How do you self-publish a book? By doing the research and legwork and understanding the risks of doing so. What do you need to do to become a writer? Like I said, write. About anything and everything.

Yet, there’s one thing, at least, that I can offer up as one of those little nuggets of wisdom I’ve picked up along the way. And it’s pure cliché, but it’s really true. Are you ready? Ahem…

Have thick skin. Very thick skin. And, oh, be open-minded.

There’s no way around it. No matter what you write, and no matter how well or how poorly you write, reader responses are never going to be universal. Some people will like your work. Others will love it. And others will hate it. So there’s no need to go about trying to please everyone. That’s impossible. All you can do is write something that makes you happy, and just make sure it’s the best that you can do.

But in the end, it’s just as important to understand that even harsh, belittling words about your work can serve a purpose.

Praise is fun, make no mistake. When Solstice received those first reviews from Booklist and Library Journal, I felt like I had wings. And when James Rundle over at SciFiNow magazine left a message on this blog, telling me he’d enjoyed the book and was going to review it in their next issue, well… The day the magazine hit bookshelves, I could barely keep myself from jumping up and down in the bookstore parking lot on my way to pick up a copy. And every time I’ve gotten e-mails or have read blogs or reviews by people who enjoyed the book, it really seems to validate the process. Trust me, few things will make you feel as happy as a reader taking the time to e-mail you to say that your book really spoke to them.

But the flipside is just as potent. Few things will feel more like a punch to the stomach as a reader taking the time to write about how pathetic your book was.

I was reminded of this recently when a user wrote a few unkind words about Solstice. When you get this kind of thing, I think it’s normal to feel a full gamut of emotions, not all of them positive.

When I read this review, I felt defensive. I took offense to his comment about how Solstice had been voted Feminist SF’s top obscure novel because I’d incessantly asked friends and family to vote for it (hmmm….Feminist SF itself encouraged the authors on that final list to lobby their friends and family to vote for them, but okay, I guess I misunderstood that part). I took offense that he’d trashed the book even though he didn’t finish reading it. And while I understood his frustrations with the writing and the main character, it didn’t make it any easier to stomach.

So there I was, feeling upset, until I remembered that little nugget of wisdom I mentioned earlier: have thick skin, and be open-minded.

In this day and age, the Internet will allow anyone to voice an opinion. And I think that’s a great thing, because literary criticism shouldn’t just be in the same hands year in and year out. I think it’s great that any one of us can get online and share our thoughts about what moved us, or what angered us. The gods know I do that enough on Quiet Earth now…

So, after putting things into context, and realizing the user was entitled to his opinion, the next wave of emotions kicked in. The more constructive, open-minded ones.

Like I said, you can’t ever please everyone, and there’s no sense in trying. But what you can do is objectively examine both positive and negative critiques, and work toward improving. As with everything else, you want to keep improving at what you do regardless.

For example, one of the consistent complaints I’ve heard about Solstice is its writing style and editing, or lack thereof. Well, there’s no way I can excuse this, really. Solstice was published on a shoestring budget (with less than half of what every self-publishing guru says is typically necessary), and I couldn’t afford the services of a professional editor. My girlfriend—also a writer—and myself edited multiple drafts side by side, doing our best to clean up the narrative. Personally, I think she did a fantastic job of pointing out areas where character development could be stronger. Io’s fixation with motherhood, for example, derived from my girlfriend’s suggestion that Io needed a greater sense of loss for us to gradually sympathize with her.

Did this make Solstice the best novel it could be? Of course not. I doubt any writer will say any draft is the absolute best it could be. Trust me, months later, you’ll pick up your perfectly published book, start reading, and find new things that could have been written better. (That’s why they say every piece of writing is ALWAYS work in progress.) And I know now, from going back and reading bits of Solstice, that it really did need another rewrite. I’ve learned a lot more about writing since then, and I’m already finding all these places in the novel where the writing could have been cleaner, the prose less convoluted, the descriptions less repetitive. I almost want to rewrite it now, for the sake of making it a better version, but content myself with the knowledge that its sequel will be better.

But, Solstice was the best I could do at the time, and while I know there’s lots of room for improvement, I’ve accepted the fact that it was a first novel. I’ve a lot to learn about my craft yet, and Solstice was my first attempt. I take some comfort in the fact that, as a first novel, it still received far more praise than I could have ever imagined. By all accounts, the book exceeded expectations.

But reviews like the one I pointed out remind me that, yes, I have lots of room for improvement. And therein lies the value of even the harshest critique. Ever since I read that review, I’ve gone back to my current novel, Inventing Vazquez, with renewed purpose. I’m pushing myself harder to make sure the writing is cleaner this time. That the prose is less wordy and less pretentious. I’m trying to ensure the narrative flow isn’t just clean, but entertaining. Because the novel is almost twice as long as Solstice, and I need to make sure people will actually want to read it.

I think I’ve spouted out nothing but common sense here, but I thought it was important to share regardless. Because the fact is, all us writers are going to get killed more often than not in the realm of literary criticism. Professional book reviewers and online readers alike won’t always like our work, and some will rip into us without mercy. They don’t care that you poured your heart and soul into your work—nor should they, because just because you poured your heart and soul into something doesn’t grant it immunity. But when they do rip into your work, just remember that it’s an opinion.

Don’t take it personally, because it’s highly unlikely the person was out to get you.

Don’t get angry, because now at least you have the impetus to want to do better on your next one.

Don’t get sad, because chances are other people did like your work. And if they’ve written to tell you so, go back and read their words as a reminder that not everyone hated your work.

Don’t start thinking you’re no good, because writing is an accomplishment that no one can take away from you, and it’s an accomplishment most people will never achieve. Feel proud about what you’ve done, and just try to do better.

And above all, don’t second-guess your decisions. Don’t think, “I shouldn’t have published that book,” or, “I should have waited a bit more,” because if we waited to write that perfect draft that would please everyone, well, there’s never be any books written.

Wow, I sure sound preachy! ^^; I don’t mean to, but I guess I know there are a lot of people out there who are fearful of writing precisely because they’re afraid of the negative feedback. Yes, negative feedback is tough to swallow, but ultimately, it makes you stronger. You just have to take the good with the bad, same as everything else. And you have to find the value in everything, even the reviews that say you shouldn’t ever be allowed near a computer again.