The best advice? Be kind to yourself…

It’s funny. Yesterday, I started a blog entry before I finally stopped and decided, “today’s not a good day to blog.” Mostly because yesterday was one of those days. We all have them. One of those days when you feel overwhelmed by everything that’s going on in your hectic life, by everything that still needs to get done, and by the feeling that the things you’re working on (e.g., a 900-page novel ^^;) are never going to get done. So yeah, I’m glad I didn’t finish that long rant of a blog entry.

This morning I just found myself feeling much more grateful about things. I mean, yesterday, I was stressing about the fact that my distributor was receiving a steady trickle of returns for Solstice. Today, I realized, “hey, we accomplished quite a bit, all things considered.” I thought about all the people at work who bought copies, not because they were avid sci-fi readers, but because they wanted to show their support. I thought about the folks like Lisa Alvarado and James Rundle over at SciFiNow magazine who took the time to read and review the book, even though they had absolutely no obligation of doing so. And I thought about all the things that have happened as a result of publishing the novel: like becoming a regular contributor for and part of something as cool as Quiet Earth, being mentioned in my alma mater’s quarterly magazine (SUNY at Buffalo, in case you were wondering), and getting back in touch with my great friend Jim from college, who tracked me down through my web site ^_^ All in all, today I realized this whole experience has been a blessing, and so I shouldn’t ever feel like it’s overwhelming or in any way, shape, or form, bad.

But I guess I also thought of a little something someone said at grad school orientation. I don’t remember his name, unfortunately, but a grad student gave us incoming students this one piece of advice to get us through our careers: be kind to yourself. He said that the best way to cope with the stress of grad school was to always be kind to yourself. It’s something I’ve both embraced, and forgotten, as the years went by. But it really is true; you have to be kind to yourself.

You have to treat yourself well. You have to indulge yourself every now and then. You have to forgive yourself if you miss a deadline. You have to refrain from beating yourself up if you can’t seem to get through that ever-growing to-do list. You have to allow yourself to take a night off every now and then, even if it means falling a bit behind on something. You have to allow yourself to just sit back and relax without feeling like you’re being an unproductive slob. You have to accept that some things will require more time and extra work, and it’s not because you suck at what you do. You get the idea.

I had to remind myself of that whole ‘be kind to yourself’ thing as I continued to work through the rewrite of my new novel, Inventing Vazquez. There were a couple of instances these past few months where I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of the endeavor. There were two instances in which I genuinely felt like I was never going to finish the book. And when I made artificial deadlines for myself (i.e., “I have to have the rewrite done by mid-May”), it just compounded the sense of despair.

But what did that grad student say? Be kind to yourself. And so, I reminded myself that, hey, it’s better to take the time to make the rewrite as good as it can be, than to rush through it for the sake of meeting a self-imposed deadline and writing crap. And hey, why am I beating myself up? The novel is turning out a lot stronger because of the time I’m taking to rewrite it, so I’m doing something right! And, hey, the sooner I start being kind to myself, the sooner I’ll stop having conversations with myself!

I think writers, especially young and aspiring writers, have to be especially kind to themselves. Writing is such a labor of love, and it requires so much perseverance and discipline. But above all, it requires acceptance that not everything you write will be good, especially the first time around. I know people who get discouraged because they start their novels, get a few pages in, hate what they wrote, and decide they’re no good. But that’s the point where you need to be kindest to yourself. That’s when you should say to yourself, “you know what? This is a first draft, so it’s okay if it’s crap, I’ll fix it later,” and then just keep plugging away.

Wow, this is a really preachy blog entry! @_@

Anyway, I’m really happy with how the rewrite of Inventing Vazquez is going. The new draft is a lot funnier, I think, and the character development for some of its major characters is a lot stronger. I’m about 50 pages away from completing the draft, although I still need to go back and change one of the earlier chapters. Oh, and…um…rewrite…the…sex scene. Ahem. But regardless, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m really looking forward to getting a couple of new test readers for it, too. Including my crazy girlfriend, whose input and feedback is always so amazingly helpful and insightful. The gods know she really helped Solstice become what it eventually became.

Anyway, I’m babbling. Just wanted to say ‘thank you’ again to everyone who read Solstice! And remember to get your father a copy of Solstice for Father’s Day. Because nothing says “Dad, you’re the best!” better than a book about the end of the world! ^^;